Wine Hangovers Do Exist: Official Study

By Erika Tatzeryoodge

PARIS – A new study has found that wine can actually cause hangovers, if the perfect combination of quantity and crappy quality is met.

The study, headed by professor François Aubergine at the Sorbonne, involved giving free red, white and rosé wine to 973 Frenchmen and women, 13 British expats, four Aussies, two Americans and eight Quebeckers.

They were then told to drink as much as they could in a two hour period and go straight to bed with no water. They were allowed to sleep for eight hours before being woken up.

“The goal was to give them a real sleep and to reduce the effect of water and hydration, thus giving them the biggest chance of obtaining a hangover,” said Aubergine who is a professor of chemistry and biology and the school’s principal researcher.

Out of the 1,000 people used in the experiment, 243 experienced hangover symptoms the morning after the wine binge.

“I always thought of the wine hangover as a myth,” said Jack Kerrigan, one of the Aussies. “But they gave us some of the worst shit you could imagine last night. I actually vomited all over the serving table. It was so worth it though, best hangover of my life.”

No word on which brands of wine were actually used, but one can guess…

And in case you’re curious: All four Aussies woke up hungover, eight of the 13 brits, neither of the Americans, and the Quebeckers… well, the professor said he just couldn’t tell either way.