U.S.A. Finally Goes Metric

By Michael Chesterfield

What is this?.. Stupid Old Kilo Machine

WASHINGTON – In an unprecedented and unexpected decision, President Barack Obama announced today that the United States will officially switch over to the Metric System starting New Year’s Day.

The bill was originally put on the table during the most recent Bush administration. Apparently George W. couldn’t handle the whole unevenness of the Imperial System.

Under the promise of anonymity, a Bush administration aid recently said that George W. had trouble remembering 5,280 feet in a mile, 12 inches in a foot and all the other “stupid numbers that don’t make sense.”

Obama looked reluctant as he made the announcement in the White House press room.

“It is with great dismay that I announce today the loss of an American Institution,” Obama said at the press conference.

“In a world that is constantly being brainwashed by European ideology, the Imperial System was one of the last great measures of a dying generation.

“Our neighbors to the north conceded long ago, and now our time has come. My only hope is that we can hang on to Fahrenheit.”

The new Republican majority in the House of Representatives is being blamed for the bill finally getting passed.