Old Man From ‘Up’ Movie Hospitalized: Road Rage

By Lance Beaudry

Old man from 'Up'

Image from IMDB

LOS ANGELES – In a weird instance of frustration, the old man from the movie “Up” was beat up and hospitalized today in the San Fernando Valley.

Carl Fredricksen, 79, had just exited off of the Golden State Freeway when he pulled up to a red light. Intending to go straight, he gunned it as soon as the light turned green. However, the car facing him across the intersection decided to cut him off and turn left in front of him.

Fredricksen’s car clipped the tail end of the other car, spinning it halfway around. According to witnesses, a man exited the other car with a steering wheel lock in his hand. Fredricksen was seen waving his hands in the air just before the man hit him twice with a ton of force in the legs.

“It was crazy,” said Angel Robredo, who got out of his car to help Fredricksen. “The old man seemed pretty upset, but he didn’t look like he could hurt a fly if he tried. Then this other guy comes running up, doesn’t even say a word, and just nails him in the kneecaps. I actually had to turn away for a sec.”

The man then turned and ran back to his car, got into it and drove away. He was described by witnesses as either white, Latino or Chinese; standing between 5’6″ and 6’6″, and possibly a little chunky.

A bunch of people rushed to Fredricksen’s side. The cartoon movie star remained conscious and seemingly aware throughout the whole ordeal.

“He was in pretty good mental condition when we got there,” said Micheal Youville, one of the responding paramedics. “His legs were pretty bashed up, but that’s nothing a little morphine and surgery won’t fix. I’ve heard most animated people have good health plans.”

According to his agent, Maria Iglesias, Fredricksen was on his way to a meeting with the execs at Walt Disney to discuss some royalties gone awry with respect to last year’s documentary.

Fredricksen has been back in America for some time now after spending nearly a year in wherever the fuck it was that he went to with those stupid balloons.

He’s expected to make a good recovery, but will have to spend at least a year, and probably the rest of his life, in a wheelchair, which doesn’t really matter because he’s old anyway.