Japanese Yen Hits Parity With Canadian Dollar, Greenback Now Worthless

By Michael Chesterfield

Who woulda thought this could ever happen?

In one of the biggest currency turnarounds in history, the Japanese Yen went today from being one of the most worthless, pathetically-valued currencies to right on par with the Canadian Dollar; this completely at the expense of the American Dollar.

At the start of today’s trading day, one could get 83 Japanese Yen for one Canadian or American Dollar. By the day’s end, one could get one Canadian Dollar or 100 American Dollars for one Japanese Yen.

The tumultuous day on the currency market is being blamed on the sale of Japan’s largest sushi maker, Sakimi, to the Canadian held Hudson’s Bay Company. The reported sale was worth an estimated $191 billion.

American department store chain Target had also put in a bid, but lost out to HBC. Target is singlehandedly being blamed for the downfall of the American Dollar.

“We’re all very sorry here at Target,” said Katie Winthrop, spokeswoman for Target. “We are doing everything we can to resolve this problem. This means talking to world governments and no bonuses for our execs this year.”

The Japanese government was not so sympathetic.

“We are definitely sorry that the United States must suffer like this, but we are finally being recognized for the monetary power we are,” said Akihito, Emperor of Japan.

“We have brought so much to the Western World: Nintendo, Sony, Anime. Finally, it’s paid off.”

No official hypothesis has been made on whether this is just temporary, but it seems Obama’s got another big-ass problem on his hands.

Economists all over the U.S. are weighing in.

“My professional opinion is that we should adopt the Canadian Dollar as our official currency,” said Michael Donnelly, Chief Economist at the J.P. Morgan Chase Sioux City branch headquarters.

“It’s the only way we’re gonna be able to keep from becoming a broke-ass third world country.”