ESSAY: I Tried The Wine Hangover Thing, It Works

By Lance Beaudry

After reading the great reporting Tatzeryoodge did on the study about wine hangovers, I knew I just had to try it for myself.

At the risk of getting myself into trouble, or at least running a winery out of business, I’ll go so far as saying I “experimented” with two bottles of red from Washington state that were priced under $5.

As per the study requirements, I ate absolutely nothing and downed the two bottles as fast as I could: 45 minutes. Not bad, right? I drank nothing else and went straight to bed, which wasn’t hard. At that time it was about 11 p.m., so I set my alarm for 7:14 a.m.; it’s OCD, give me a break.

When I awoke I was quite pleased to instantly feel a pressure in my forehead. I knew this was more than likely just the front end of it, so I sat up and, indeed, the pounding began. It was wonderful.

When I stepped out of bed I immediately stumbled and had to clutch the bed post. I could feel a rumble in the stomach, and so, temporarily forgetting about the headache, I made a break for the latrine. Luckily it’s just outside my bedroom door.

I was pleased to find that my shit didn’t burn. And once I got up off the bowl, I could already feel the headache dissipating. Come to think of it, the headache was nowhere near as bad as the beer ones I get when drinking the cheap crap.

So, all in all, the hangover was mild at worst and very worth it. This proves two things: cheap wine is harmless and it’s also cheap.

Sayonara bitches!!